Phil Graves shares his post-new year theories and a sweet-tasting scientific discovery.
It’s January and we’ve all eaten and drunk far too much over Christmas and New Year, despite promising ourselves we were going to be better this year. Hopefully at least a couple of you out there still have your New Year’s resolutions intact by this point, and you’re still managing to go to the gym. If you can just make it past Valentine’s Day it will get quieter, I promise. I have a January/February theory that I want to share with you.
OK, so someone single meets someone at a Christmas or New Year’s party, starts at the gym in the New Year to look good for their new-found love and tries to impress them with their healthy lifestyle – something they maintain until Valentine’s Day. Then after this, when the girl/guy is ditched because they can’t afford to buy said partner a nice present or take them somewhere nice because the gym is taking all the spare cash they have, they’re back to square one. Single person is single again and quits the gym so they have some money to go back out and find a new partner and the whole cycle begins again, though having learnt they can’t afford the gym, they never go back, leaving it empty for you and I to use.
So there you go, when March arrives the gym is free to be overrun by triathletes and the queues of Romeos and Juliets waiting to run 2km on the treadmill believing it will turn them into Arnold Schwarzenegger or Elle Macpherson will be no more.
You may be saying I have a rather pessimistic view on life but come on, it’s January, I bet we are all feeling the same. I do have some quick fixes if you’re feeling a bit down though.
Firstly, if you have any Christmas chocolates lying round, eat them immediately. It has been scientifically proven, by me, that if you graze on all the sweets and chocolates then your weight is going to steadily creep up, but if you scoff the lot in one go you won’t be as hungry that particular day. It’s when you eat what you normally eat and then have treats on top that the weight is going to pile on. It’s obviously so much easier to eat the lot, feel ill and not eat for a couple of days – you may actually lose weight in some circumstances. I know you may question this but it has been proven by in-depth research by yours truly!
So what else can you do? Well, if the gym isn’t taking all your money, eBay is well worth a visit. Let’s face it, by mid-January everyone has sorted themselves out and has started putting all the kit they were given for Christmas on there to try to make a few quid, so there are going to be a few bargains.
Think of it as a second Christmas where you get to choose what presents you get.
Finally, remember how warm March was last year – it was tropical! Even after the awful winter, the mercury hit 17 °C by the 15th – that’s shorts, jersey and arm warmers weather. Even last April was the warmest April since 1910 and, with global warming, it’s only going to get warmer earlier. Who knows, it may eventually become possible to wear shorts on a winter ride or go without a wetsuit during an open-water swim… On second thoughts, perhaps not.
This article was originally published in Triathlon Plus magazine. Save time and money by having every issue delivered to your door or digital device by subscribing to the print edition or buying digitally through Zinio or Apple Newsstand.
You’ll find loads more blogs from the likes of Phil, Steve Trew and the Triathlon Plus team in triradar.com’s blogs section